Some Questions About Intuition
It’s powerful, but when to listen to it?
I’m an INFP. This means I rely more on intuition, impressions or symbols than experiences. Yet, for so long, I didn’t listen to this intuition. I’ve heard it but dismissed it. Because it seemed crazy, or I couldn’t differentiate it from other voices like ego, greed, or fear.
Recently though, I went through a lot of troubles. And each time, the common denominator was that I heard the voice screaming and dismissed it. Those were people-related problems. Why did I ignore it? Because it was saying mean things. Things I don’t want to listen to because they don’t make sense to me; when I don’t know a person, why would I think bad things about them? For instance, I thought: “That person is talking too much and answering a simple question with too many unrelated details and too much energy; this is hiding something”. Or for another person, while talking to them, my hands started shaking, and I could feel terrible things coming. The voice said, “This one will be a hurricane and somehow destroy your world.”
I’m someone who loves people. I’m optimistic, believe in the best of people and hate judging, especially when it’s based on nothing. So when my intuition tells me such crazy things, I choose not to listen to it and give those people a chance.
And it went very well. They turned out to be fantastic people with great stories, a beautiful way of seeing life, and unbelievable inner strength. It was good knowing them, and they both felt like very old friends I found back after years apart. We could speak about everything and anything for hours, laugh like crazy, and be very intimate. I was so happy I didn’t listen to the voices.
Until all hell broke loose, I won’t enter the details, but for both, something went amiss. I had to call out both of them on something they were doing that wasn’t good. And suddenly, I was their enemy. One turned out to be hysterical and a liar. The other had an immense ego and temper. They were both fantastic, as long as I agreed with their point of view. But just once, I went against them for something insignificant, and it looked like we’d never been friends in the first place.
I’ll be the first one to admit I’m not perfect. Sometimes I do things that make people uncomfortable. I make mistakes. I come from a long history of being shy and alone, so my social skills are not good, and I can sometimes be stupid. But never voluntarily. I spent my whole life not allowing myself to do things because I was afraid to hurt others. But recently, I started giving myself the right to exist.
So maybe I’m not all white in this story. Perhaps I did something to them that was not nice and did not realise. And I’d gladly accept being called out, listen to it and try to work it out, improve myself, and make amends if necessary. But both times, I wasn’t given a chance to do so. I’ve been yelled out, accused of crazy things, and blamed for all the problems in their lives, without having the opportunity to speak my part, and without being listened to. Everything I said was dismissed. I was just wrong and caused them all trouble in the world. That is not something I want in my relationships. That is not the kind of friend I want.
But I’ve also learnt a lot from them, at their contact. They were amazing when things were good, and we had many delightful moments. I could see they had a lot of good sides. So I don’t know. Should I listen to that intuition when it comes to people and flee from the ones it warns me about? Or should I approach them with care? Or should I dismiss it and keep moving forward?
I’m a bit lost, to be honest. I still don’t think they are bad people. I’ll never do so. I think they have too many things in their lives to care about anything else but themselves at times, but if they can get rid of that, they’ll be incredible and beautiful. I don’t want to lose faith in them or the world. But I also know that I can’t change people. Maybe I went in thinking I could change the outcome of what my intuition foretold. That was egoist of me. I see that now. I try my best now not to expect anything from anyone, and consider I don’t owe anything to anyone but also that no one owes me anything. Except from myself. I think I’ll keep on trying and see where it goes.
If you have any tips on this matter, I’ll gladly hear them.
